The Tanned Turkey

Image created by ChatGPT 5.0, 2025.

Family traditions aren’t always perfect, but they’re always memorable. 

As we celebrate another Thanksgiving, I’ve been thinking about the family stories that make us laugh year after year. Some involve long-lost ancestors, and others, well… involve culinary experiments gone terribly wrong. This is the story of the Tanned Turkey.

I’m not sure if it was Thanksgiving or not, but it seems fitting to share now. My brother was about ten years old when he asked Mom if he could make a turkey for dinner. Wanting to encourage his cooking endeavours and perhaps enjoy a break from cooking herself, Mom agreed.

Off he went into the kitchen, chopping, measuring, and mixing ingredients for the stuffing and the turkey. With a bit of help from Mom, he stuffed the bird and proudly slid it into the oven, quite satisfied with his accomplishment.

Before long, the mouthwatering aroma of roasting turkey filled the house. My brother checked on his creation often, opening the oven door to baste it carefully. When asked how things were going, he cheerfully replied, “Great!”

Finally, Mom announced that the turkey was ready. We all trooped into the kitchen as she lifted the roasting pan from the oven and placed it on the counter. That’s when we noticed something odd. 

The turkey looked like it had one too many tanning pills. It glowed with an orange-y, fake-tan colour. “Turkey isn't supposed to look like that,” I thought to myself. "Ewww, it's orange!" I said, pointing out the obvious.

Mom asked my brother what he had put in the stuffing. “Some of this, some of that, and some Lawry’s® seasoning salt,” he said proudly.

If you’ve ever used that brand, you’ll recall its bright orange colour.

“Oh,” said Mom slowly, trying to hide her concern. “Well, let’s try some before you make the gravy.”

My brother eagerly agreed. Mom carved off a few slices and handed each of us a piece. One bite later, our smiles faded—it was unbelievably salty.

Trying not to crush his feelings, Mom gently asked how much seasoning salt he had used. “I think it called for half a cup,” he replied confidently.

“Half a cup!” Mom gasped. “I think you misread the recipe; it probably said half a teaspoon!”

My poor brother. He had tried so hard. Unfortunately, that much seasoning salt had done more than preserve the bird; it had just about mummified it.

Even so, that bright orange turkey has become one of my favourite family memories. Every Thanksgiving since, we’ve shared the story, laughing together about the Tanned Turkey that was just a little too seasoned.

This year, as I give thanks, I’m grateful not just for good food but for family stories like this one that remind us that even our mishaps can become beloved traditions.

Updated, 2025. Originally published on George Family Gleanings, 2014.